 Review By: Brittany Vincent |
Developer: | TOMY |
| Publisher: | Atlus | |
| Genre: | Strategy RPG | |
| ESRB: | Teen | |
| # Of Players: | 1 | |
| Online Play: | No | |
| Accessories: | HDTV 720p |
Enemy AI is dumber than a bag of hammers. With the battles concentrating on surrounding enemies with gunfire, they never quite do understand what's going on. This results in some extremely easy battles and idiotic enemies. They might just put themselves right in the path of incoming fire. That's fine if you want to breeze through the game, but in a strategy RPG you expect the enemies to be capable of making the same kinds of strategic decisions that you are. The story? Well, it's almost nonexistent, and what is there is told in the exact same way as the opening scene. Honestly? Probably the worst presentation of a story I've ever seen in a video game. It doesn't get much better than that, either.
The graphics in-game before you get to battle animations are extremely subpar. I'd liken them to Dreamcast graphics or maybe PlayStation 2. Units are so small you can barely tell what you've got equipped on them, what color they are, or which is which. Environments are drab, boring, and uninspired. It will get very old fighting in urban wastelands, deserts, and grasslands, because those are pretty much the only environments you will get to check out. It wasn't good in Gears of War, but I can forgive them for that because unlike Zoids Assault, Gears of War was actually an awesome game. What's even worse is that the developers had the completely inane idea to cover the screen in a film-grain like effect that you would find in Silent Hill. Because of that, it looks like you're viewing vintage war footage or something similar. It's completely off-putting and unnecessary. Perhaps it was a thinly-veiled attempt to hide how terrible the graphics really are. It does just the opposite. It makes me want to put the controller down and do laundry or clean the house.
The music? Honestly, I barely realized there was any, because it sort of just blends into the murky background of the game. In the beginning there's a strange mix of quiet techno. There isn't an opening theme or recurring motif, and in battles it's driving, senseless rock/techno that tends to get old after the thirtieth tedious battle.
Don't even think about buying this game just for the achievements. There are a total of eight, which all require you to trudge through a good part of the story before you're awarded even a measly one. You know you've got a truly half-baked title when they couldn't even be bothered enough to toss in the normal 20-50 or so achievements that you earn steadily as a game progresses.
Bottom Line:
Looking back on what I've said, it appears there is nothing redeeming about this title at all. That's true. While buried deep under the muck and the uninspired gameplay, solid strategy RPG mechanics are present. If you bought the game looking for a story to discover some elements of the Zoids universe (a fan from when it made its debut), you definitely don't even get that. This is a horrible last-ditch effort at revitalizing the Zoids franchise in the United States, and frankly, it's embarrassing. When the first few minutes of a game implore you to call up your Aunt Jessamine and talk to her about her cats' colon problems, you know you've stumbled onto something that's not worth your time. The graphics are lackluster, combat is a lot like work, and there is little or no fun to be had. If you're a masochist, and you enjoy putting yourself through experiences you will hate yourself for later, then this game is for you. If not, do yourself a favor and pass this up, especially for the ridiculous amount of $59.99 as it's suggested retail price. Zoids are dead for a reason.
| Pros: | Cons: | Final Score: |
|---|---|---|
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| 3.5 |
Posted: 2008-12-22 20:40:52 PST